


Not Ready

by Chosenfire



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Fix-It, Fluff, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-14
Updated: 2018-02-14
Packaged: 2019-03-15 09:11:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,701
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13610166
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chosenfire/pseuds/Chosenfire
Summary: "I'm not ready for you to not be here."Buffy can’t leave Sunnydale behind without knowing what happened to Spike. A post series divergent.





	Not Ready

**Author's Note:**

  * For [jedibuttercup](https://archiveofourown.org/users/jedibuttercup/gifts).



> When I saw my assignment I was both extremely excited and a tiny bit intimidated. My very first fandom experience was over a decade ago at Twisting the Hellmouth (a place that still holds a special place in my heart) where you became one of the very first people I admired (and still do, I've got your author page open on my browser and am falling back down the rabbit hole lol). 
> 
> So I really hope you enjoy this I also just wanted to say thank you for the work you put into the things you've done, you are an absolute gem!
> 
> Also, huge thanks to my beta! I am so grateful to all your help and suggestions.

**"I'm not ready for you to not be here."  
\- Buffy to Spike**

_  
“Are you trying to fix my car?” Buffy asked, amusement filling her, as Spike rolled out from under the blue sporty number she had indulged in at Giles’ urging. He’d argued that the cost of public transportation and a Council funded vehicle far exceeded the actual price of the car, plus ‘for the love of god please stop asking me for rides I have an actual life’, only more British-sounding, but that was the general gist._

_Buffy hadn’t argued back. She loved her car._

_Spike’s bleached hair was gel-free and ruffled, he sported a highly attractive smudge of grease on his cheek and the smile he gave her was sheepish. “It’s been making that bloody awful clunking noise you’ve been complaining about, I read the manual and reckoned it couldn’t be too difficult. Harris can manage it and he’s not exactly the smartest crayon in the box.”_

_Buffy snorted. “He was also born after cars were invented and has been working on them since before I even knew him.” She leaned down to wipe at the smudge. “Plus, I do have a mechanic. Dawn promised to take it in tomorrow since it didn’t start making that noise until after she borrowed it.”_

_The less said about Dawn’s impromptu road trip the better. Buffy was still avoiding her newly acquired brother-in-law from the trip and taking the car to the mechanic was only the start of Dawn’s penance. Buffy wasn’t a fan of suddenly acquired family members; she was still firmly in denial._

_She offered Spike a hand to help him up and he accepted, rising to his feet gracefully and pressing up against her. “Do I still score brownie points for trying?” His smile had transferred into a familiar smirk as his arm encircled her waist. He smelled like grease and car and her very not dusty boyfriend._

_She let herself settle against him, pressing a kiss to his lips. “Oh definitely, all the points.”  
_

+++

Buffy watched as Faith ducked into the floorboard of the car, arms crossed tightly across her chest, trying to ignore the way her abdomen still stung. The wound from the Turok-Han was now wrapped thanks to Dawn.

“You’re good at that,” she commented casually, tilting her head to watch how quickly Faith worked in the floorboard of the car she was currently hotwiring for Buffy. 

Once, the words would have been spoken as a bitter accusation, as another mark against Faith. Now there was just relief in her voice. She hadn’t even had to ask the fellow Slayer. Faith had offered when she’d seen her slipping out of the hotel room she’d been sharing with Dawn. 

A smile flashed across Faith’s lips. “I’ve had a lot of practice, B.” The car purred to life and Faith popped back up, her grin wide in satisfaction. “Try to be back by morning. I’ll hold things down here as long as I can, but we’ve got a bunch of baby Slayers crammed into tiny rooms, crashing from their first slay, things are bound to get hairy yo.”

They were about an hour out of what was once Sunnydale. They’d found a small town with a handful of houses, a gas station, and a hotel that had seen better days. It had enough room to house their post-battle group, especially after Kennedy had made a call to her family. 

Apparently, the cost was covered for up to a week for however many rooms they needed. 

Buffy winced when the sound of glass breaking in one of the said rooms emphasized Faith’s statement. “I’ll try to make it quick, thank you Faith.” She knew Faith was waiting on a call to see how Robin was doing and appreciated her taking the time to help her.

Vi had taken Robin, Rona, and a couple of the other girls to the closest hospital to get the medical attention they needed. They’d gotten everyone else settled into rooms, scrounged up food, and things had just started to quiet down when Buffy had grabbed her jacket and headed for the parking lot. 

Faith’s offer to borrow a car for her was better than the keys to the bus she had stashed in her pocket. She wasn’t even sure she could drive the thing, if she was being honest. 

“Saved me from waiting around the phone like a lovesick girl, not really my style y’know?” Faith admitted and held the car door open for Buffy.

“Hey guys,” Willow greeted softly, walking up to stand beside Buffy, Dawn on her other side. They were both still in their outfits from earlier in the day, only Willow had on what looked like Giles’ jacket and Dawn had her hair pulled back in a messy bun.

Willow turned to Faith. “Robin is on the phone, he wants to talk to you.” She angled her way between Buffy and her ill-gotten vehicle. 

“And that’ll be my cue. Good lucky Buff.” Faith squeezed Buffy’s arm as she passed, on her way to the front office they’d commandeered as a meeting place for them to regroup. 

Buffy turned to give her sister an unimpressed look. “You told on me.”

Dawn huffed. “Like we’d let you go alone.” Her folded arms mirrored Buffy’s. “I care about Spike too,” she declared firmly, clearly gearing up for an argument. 

Spike, who was the whole reason she was out here, about to use a stolen car to go back to the one place she never wanted to see again. Everything had happened so fast and after she had had time to catch her breath it had all hit her. What he’d done, what she’d lost.

He hadn’t believed her, and maybe at the time she really hadn’t meant it. Had said the words because they sounded right in the moment.

But she wanted to mean it; she had thought she would mean it.

So she needed to know, one way or another, whether he was really gone and if she’d lost her chance with him. She couldn’t just walk away and let this be the way they ended, the way he ended. Not after everything they’d been through.

Buffy looked to Willow, trying to gauge her reason for being out there with Dawn and not in the office with Kennedy. Spike was like family to Dawn, Buffy knew that, because she’d been the one to invite him in. But Willow had no reason to care about him the way they did.

Like she’d heard her thoughts, and Buffy hoped not because in her experience that led to a world of bad, Willow gave her a sad smile. “I’m kinda useless in there right now and I want to help you, Buffy, I think I can.” Willow paused, taking a breath before continuing. “We lost so many people…”

“Anya,” Dawn added softly the loss still fresh and sinking in. 

“If there’s a chance he made it I want to help you find him.” Willow’s voice became firmer.

“And if there’s not?” Buffy had to say it, the thought that kept hope from growing in her.

Willow reached over to hold her hand. “I still want to help you find him.”

Buffy nodded, choking back tears; she had planned on going alone. She was glad she wasn’t. This was hard enough as it was; having them with her helped. Willow still looked like she was riding a post-magic high from awakening the Slayers, seeing that and knowing her own driving ability Buffy conceded gratefully, “We should probably let Dawn drive.”

+++

They’d parked the car near where the bus had stopped at the edge of the crater. Willow had reassured Buffy that she could use magic to get it back on so they would have a ride back. Maybe even leave it for its rightful owner to find, because in hindsight Buffy was definitely feeling a bit of guilt for the theft.

The ground at the edge was jagged and provided no clear path into the rubble. And that’s what it looked like, rubble on top of rubble, the occasional glint of metal, brick, and a whole lot of dirt. Like Sunnydale had been perfectly scooped out of the face of the earth like the blight it was. The world being left better for its absence. 

“I can get us down, just hold onto my arms.” Willow took a deep breath and a glow started to surround her. Buffy quickly grasped one of her arms and saw Dawn do the same as that glow enveloped them in a bubble.

Buffy was impressed but also concerned. “Sure you’re up to this?” Throughout the day it had been clear the effect a spell like awakening all the Slayers had had on her witchy friend. Buffy didn’t want her to overextend herself.

They started to float in the air and Willow’s voice was confident. “I’m sure. Right now everything’s easier than it’s ever been, it's like the magic is me. Which means I’ll probably crash hard later and you’ll need to Willow-sit but I’m really good right now.”

They touched down on the ground and Buffy pulled away. “If you say so, but if your hair starts turning black and I see a hint of veins - “

“Kennedy said her hair was white.” Dawn interrupted her as they looked around. A light burst forth, emitting from a small ball bobbing beside Willow and washing the area around them in a warm glow.

It looked worse down here than it had up top. Like every horrifying image news stations would run of towns after tornados had torn through. Only it was all buried in the earth and piled up all around them. 

“Like old people white?” Buffy fell into step beside Willow as her friend seemed to have found a path of sorts in the rubble. The light followed along beside them, the night deepening above them.

“Hey, I totally rocked it.” Willow muttered, and Dawn snorted, letting Buffy help her over what looked like part of a car. Buffy did the same for Willow when they came across the other half up ahead. On either side of them were the crumbling shells of houses. 

The destruction around them sobered them and made any words choke up in their throat. Sure the place had tried to kill them on numerous occasions but it had been their home.

They picked their way over more rock and power lines, twisted-up signs and pungent water from burst pipes from the sewer system, sticking close together and wordlessly trying to work their way back to what had once been the high school.

Dawn pressed the hem of her shirt to her mouth, the dust thick in the air, and Buffy put a hand on her arm to steady her and keep her close. 

“Buffy,” Willow slipped in front of her to take the lead, a power line moving gracefully out of their way with what was definitely magic. “I can feel something up ahead.” Her eyes were locked on yet another pile of concrete, indistinguishable from the others around it, and Buffy swallowed, her throat dry.

“Do you know what?” She felt almost too tired to hope. They’d been picking their way through destroyed pathways for hours now, trying to find anything at all that would clue them in that they were in the right place.

“It’s almost like -” Willow pulled them forward and slipped, Buffy steadying her, as she crouched down and placed her hand on the pile of rock, her brow furrowed. “Do you think you could move this?” She seemed distracted.

Buffy didn’t answer, instead crouching down beside her and heaving aside the pile of broken slabs she had indicated. It wasn’t anything she couldn’t handle as her as she barely even strained to move the biggest slab of rock that up close definitely looked like it’d once been a part of the school.

Which made her two for two on Sunnydale High demolitions. Maybe she could put that on a resume. 

“Buffy look!” Dawn darted forward, and Buffy watched, stunned, as she lifted up a familiar necklace. She handed it to Buffy gently. 

Buffy held it in her hand tightly, throat constricting as she felt the dust around it. It could have been from the rubble. There was dirt and rock all around them, so much so they had started to cough, feeling it in their throats.

Still, Buffy couldn’t stop the sinking feeling telling her that it was something else, that it was him.

Wasn’t that what she’d come here looking for? Some confirmation that he was really gone and with him this tangled feeling in her chest that could be love. Needing the certainty of actually knowing over the wondering. 

“He’s not gone,” Willow touched her arm gently, looking at the necklace. “I think -” her voice became firmer, more certain. “I think he’s in there.” She indicated the necklace. “I could barely feel it when we got down here and I didn’t want to get your hopes up.” Willow grimaced a little at that, looking guilty. “But I felt it, Buffy, it’s him.”

Buffy gripped the chain of the necklace tighter, finally letting herself start to hope. 

“I’ll find a way to get him out,” Willow promised, and Buffy believed her, she had to. This had to be enough for her to hold on to. Buffy had firmly decided on the fact that she couldn’t lose Spike, that she needed him in her life. 

They left the crater covered in dirt and with the necklace held safely in Buffy’s hand.

+++

__  
Buffy winced, reaching up to rub at the base of her skull, feeling the throb where her head had hit the side of the building. There was now an impressive crack in the concrete and her head was still ringing. Thank god for Slayer durability.

_“Well now that was just rude.” Spike backhanded the demon that had thrown her. “The chit hadn’t even done anything to you… yet.” He kicked another demon back and spun to her side, reaching down to help her up._

_“You alright, love?” She could hear the note of concern in his voice. Ever since Willow had found a spell to make him corporeal after getting him out of the necklace he had developed a tendency to hover. Buffy was basking in it. She wasn’t basked out yet._

_“Peachy.” She shook off the sting from the blow, her eyes narrowing, as a third demon joined his friends. Its body was scaly and she could see where the dull green of its scales darkened into blood on its hands. They had arrived there just in time to save the newly awakened Slayer from being eviscerated by that thing._

_She couldn’t be older than fifteen and the desperation to save her in time had made Buffy unaware of the demon sneaking up behind her._

_The trio of demons now stood between the girl and them, and the kid’s eyes were wide with fear. Her hand was held tightly to her stomach from where the first demon had tried to tear into her and Buffy saw the way blood was seeping past her fingers; they needed to get her help._

_“There’s three of them, right?” Buffy confirmed, to make sure she wasn’t seeing things, reaching for her fallen sword. She had found that when faced with a new threat sharp and pointy usually worked best. Buffy could feel the dizziness from standing fade quickly as the wonders of her slayer healing kicked in._

_“Right,” Spike had an axe in his hand and Buffy was glad she hadn’t let up on bugging him to arm himself. Fangs and super strength didn’t always cut it._

_“Good. That one’s mine,” she pointed with her sword to the one with the younger slayer’s blood on its hands, “you get to the girl.” The fight flowed out before her, the certainty of their victory. She wouldn’t be caught by surprise again._

_Out of the corner of her eye she saw Spike’s smirk turn predatory and his hand clench on his axe._

_Buffy spun her sword and with Spike at her side flew into battle._

__


End file.
